RADIO
Welcome back to the Daily Sports Recap, where we're seriously not attached to that name at all - it's like naming a cooking column "In the Kitchen." (And it got too hot underneath the shame blanket.) But anyway, here's what happened yesterday in the world of sports:
Sports News From Yesterday (12/4)
Cowboys Defeat Bears 41-28
You should probably start feeling really bad, Bears fans, because you just lost to the December Cowboys. Congratulations, though, because I think you may have just helped to break the curse of a witch doctor; with this win the Cowboys ensured they will finish better than 8-8 for the first time this decade. The Cowboys remain in the playoff hunt, but are still on track to lose the division in a heartbreaking fashion against Washington in Week 17, so the natural order's okay for at least another couple weeks.
Nebraska and Florida Step Off The Coaching Carousel
Florida, like many expected, came to terms with Jim McElwain, the (now former) coach at Colorado State. Some buyout gymnastics will be required, but the former Alabama offensive coordinator will take over in The Swamp. Presumably the Gators will be really good at running 5-star recruits behind 400-pound bulldozers while 250-pound defensive ends look on in horror.
Nebraska, however, surprised many people by hiring Oregon State's Mike Riley. Because the Nebraska solution to "nine wins just isn't good enough" is "nine wins is probably our ceiling."
All snark aside, though, I like both these hires for their schools. McElwain took Colorado State into the College Football Playoff rankings before an upset loss to Air Force ended their access bowl campaign. He's familiar with the territory and should be able to succeed in Gainesville. And the last time Florida hired a coach from the Mountain West, it ended pretty well for them.
Mike Riley simply doesn't get enough credit for what he managed to do at Oregon State. Living in the shadow of Nike-blessed Oregon and peak-power USC before them, Riley turned out quality teams regularly and managed to spoil the seasons of some very good Pac teams. Give him a program like Nebraska, with all the tools and the reputation to succeed, and Riley should surprise. This could be a sneaky-good hire for the Huskers.
University of Alabama-Birmingham Won't Go Bowling This Year Despite Qualifying Record
To which the women's bowling team, which was cut in the aftermath of the football team's dissolution, just chuckled sadly at the irony.
Unfortunately, since the school's football team was eliminated in what totally wasn't a premeditated move by the Alabama Board of Trustees made for reasons like "because my daddy didn't like 'em neither," those responsible for selecting possible bowl teams are looking at the Blazers as though they'd recently been dunked in toxic waste, denying the players one last game with their teammates before being forced to move on. We wish the best to all UAB student-athletes affected by the program cuts, as well as those employed by those programs. I'd say to pour one out for them, but pouring out a coffee doesn't really feel the same, does it?
Haloti Ngata Suspended for PED Usage
The Ravens defensive tackle was suspended for the rest of the season, to which the rest of the nation responded "No way, the guy who's 6-4, 340, is on PEDs? I can't believe it!"
The NFL, meanwhile, congratulated itself on managing a suspension that didn't infuriate its entire fanbase, thus realizing their dream of seeing the "It Has Been ___ Days Since Our Last Public Scandal" board with a number greater than zero on it.
Trent Richardson Promises to Jump Into Browns' Stands If He Scores
So did Josh Cribbs, but it's way tougher to make fun of a guy who could actually find the end zone.
