You've read about all the sleepers, waiver wire pickups and starter suggestions based on matchups. Now let me burst some bubbles and tell you who I think is going to bust big time in Wild Card weekend.

This isn't to troll or spread hate - that's what Reddit is for. Think of this as a public service for fanboys and truth deniers who insist that everything is going to be alright, when it's clearly not. If you don't believe me, just ask the general public on Twitter. They know everything.

Warning: while the picks made in this article are completely serious, you may find sarcastic humor laced throughout. If you don't have any sense of humor whatsoever, turn back now before you get all worked up. Comments, praise, complaints or ramblings can be directed to @pfunk00 on Twitter.

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Week 17 Recap

Damn you, Tom Brady. It would have been a perfect 10 bust picks to close out the season if not for Brady. Hell, I practically predicted Aqib Talib tearing the gold chain off Crabtree's neck! Yet, in a game that it turns out the Patriots didn't even need to win to clinch the #1 seed, they kept Brady out there just to torment their division rivals, the Dolphins, and me. That's what I get for making him the cover boy for a busts article. I'm sure he has people who keep track of these things on the internet. Other than the Golden Boy, last week's picks proved bustier than a Victoria's Secret runway show. Here's the statistical breakdown represented in an aesthetically pleasing way... if you're Tom Brady.

 
Congrats! You win at life!:

Tom Brady (276 YDS, 3 TD, 1 big smirk)

Maybe next week! (oops, too late for most of you):

Cam Newton (237 YDS, 1 TD, 3 INT)
Matt Cassel (150 YDS, 1 TD, 1 INT)
Jay Ajayi (59 RUSH YDS, 20 REC YDS)
Michael Crabtree (5 REC, 47 YDS)
Sterling Shepard (3 REC, 30 YDS)
Mike Wallace (4 REC, 33 YDS)
Jason Witten (1 REC, 10 YDS)
Brandon Marshall (DNP)
Stefon Diggs (DNP)

 
 
The regular season is history. This weekend the field is shortened to eight teams. We'll have to dig a little deeper, but surely we can find ten busts somewhere in there. If you're playing fantasy football through the playoffs, every matchup is that much more important given the lack of options. First piece of advice: avoid the backup QB situations, especially from the ones who have absolutely no playoff experience. Secondly, avoid Brock Osweiler. Always. Good luck!

Top 10 Busts for Wild Card Weekend

Matt Moore (QB, MIA) - Backup QB Matt Moore will start his fourth game of the year, but his first ever in the playoffs. No offense to the veteran, but he may be over-matched in this game. While he has been mostly efficient, throwing for eight TD and three INT while completing 63% of his passes, he'll be facing the Steelers, not the Bills or Jets. Pittsburgh's defense didn't allow an opponent to pass for 250 yards in the last seven games of the year. This matchup isn't exactly reminiscent of the old Dolphins-Steelers playoff bouts from the 70s, but it doesn't mean there isn't still some bad blood.

 
 
Matthew Stafford (QB, DET) - Playing on the road at Seattle isn't justification enough to predict a terrible week any more, right? Wrong. Stafford was in full gunslinger mode last week as the Lions desperately tried (and failed) to catch the Packers. He finished the day with 347 yards and two touchdowns. That was against the team that allowed the most passing yards to quarterbacks on the entire 2016 season. Seattle is on the opposite end of that spectrum, coming in as the fourth-best defense against QBs for fantasy purposes. In three career games against the Seahawks, Stafford averages more INT (2.0) than TD (1.7). The Lions have no semblance of a run game to keep Richard Sherman and company honest, so expect tight coverage all day. His decline since the finger injury has been well-documented, but you have to give him credit for fighting through it.

 
 
Paul Perkins (RB, NYG) - Don't let recency bias fool you. His Week 17 showing (102 rush yards on 21 carries) was impressive, but Rashad Jennings also received 18 carries and was the back utilized near the goal-line. In a road playoff game, there's a good chance the Giants are going to lean on Jennings and use Perkins as a change-of-pace back. Moreover, this game has a good chance of turning into a high-scoring affair, which could neutralize the running game. The Giants have been able to win several games this season by shutting teams down on defense and pounding the ball with the running game rather than relying on Eli Manning to air it out. The Packers aren't likely to be shut down on offense. Any Giants running back is a risky play this game, but if you are on the fence, go with Jennings. If you're deciding between Giants receivers, pick the one that can walk a straight line in pregame warmups.

 
 
Thomas Rawls (RB, SEA) - After a nine-week absence, Rawls came along slowly at first. Then, he exploded for 106 yards and two touchdowns against the Panthers and looked like a waiver wire savior. He has fallen hard since that game, ending the year with 56 yards on 37 carries in the final three games. To make things worse, C.J. Prosise is getting ready to return, although he is questionable for this game. Prosise had an abbreviated rookie season, but was much more effective than Rawls, averaging 5.7 Y/A compared to 3.2 for Rawls. If Prosise doesn't return, Rawls will still have a challenge on his hands. Detroit's run defense is better than most people think; they allowed five rushing TD and eight total TD to running backs this season, which is second-fewest (only New England gave up less). Is it possible Rawls isn't The Truth after all?

 
 
Randall Cobb (WR, GB) - Cobb may be on track to return for the playoffs, but you probably shouldn't care. He missed the last two games of the regular season with an ankle injury and is questionable for this game. Even so, Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie should cover Cobb in the slot position. DRC graded out as one of the top slot corners in the league this season, which is bad news even for a healthy Cobb. During the first three games of the Packers' "Run the Table" streak, Cobb caught a total of 12 passes for 93 yards. At best, he will be the third option in the passing game and will be blanketed by a tough defender this Sunday. It's advisable to take your chances elsewhere for a WR3.

 
 
DeAndre Hopkins (WR, HOU) - Hopkins is no stranger to this column and for good reason. Brock Osweiler. The one time Hopkins exceeded expectations was in Week 15, when he caught eight passes for 87 yards. The quarterback for most of that game was Tom Savage. What about last week, when Hopkins went for 123 yards with Osweiler at the helm? Their opponents, the Tennessee Titans, finished as the second-worst fantasy defense in points allowed to WR. They were also playing a meaningless game without their starting QB and an eye toward next season. Doesn't count in my book. The Raiders rose to the middle of the pack in terms of pass defense after a horrendous start, thanks to excellent play by corners Sean Smith and David Amerson. Hopkins might not completely crap the bed, but there are several other players I would prefer as a WR1 this weekend. Good QB play matters, people.

 
 
DeVante Parker (WR, MIA) - In the first game between these two, Parker came away with just 28 yards. He has been up and down throughout the season, but it has been mostly down in the latter half. His five receptions in Week 17 were his most since Week 11. He has found the end zone three times in that time frame, but that's unlikely to happen here. The Steelers are the only defense other than the Broncos to hold opposing wide receivers under 10 TD all season. With the exception of a 106-yard game against the Patriots in Week 1, Parker did most of his damage against lesser opponents such as Buffalo, Cleveland, San Diego and L.A. Don't anticipate Ross Cockrell or William Gay letting the lanky receiver break free very often. Even hardcore Dolfans should know better than to expect much from the Moore-Parker connection.

 
 
Cobi Hamilton (WR, PIT) - Hamilton has been serving as the WR2 for Pittsburgh, but that's not exactly by design. The Steelers are going to be without Sammie Coates and Markus Wheaton throughout the playoffs, so Hamilton will be forced into action again. He's been playing steadily since Week 10, but hasn't been targeted more than five times in a single game or caught more than three passes. In fact, he waited until overtime of Week 17 to notch his first game of 50 yards or more (against Cleveland no less). That play also resulted in his second TD of his NFL career. Steelers fans may remember that the first one came earlier this year against Miami. Don't hold your breath for it happening again. It's a big stretch to think Hamilton will exceed his 21.3 Y/G average in this contest.

 
 
Eric Ebron (TE, DET) - It's not surprising that Seattle was one of the best defenses against tight ends this season, allowing just three TD all year to the position. If Stafford struggles in this game, Ebron will not be worth starting in fantasy leagues. Ebron began declining before Stafford's finger injury, but it just got worse from there. In the Lions' last six games, Ebron finished with less than 40 yards in four of them. Don't expect a trip to the end zone to bail him out either - he scored one touchdown all year. At this point, Ebron will be happy just to escape the game alive.

 
 
Seth Roberts (WR, OAK) - In reality, you should be fading all Oakland receivers in this game. Since I already called Crabtree out last week, let's go with Roberts this time. He started out hot, scoring three TD in the first four games. His late-season production was already dismal - his best game of the second half was three receptions for 31 yards against Carolina. On Saturday, third-string QB and rookie who was taken 32 snaps this season, Connor Cook, will start against the Texans. Cook has a strong arm and a great offensive line in front of him, but he will need to show poise and maturity in the face of a hostile crowd for a road playoff game. If there was any hope for Roberts to re-emerge as a red zone threat, it evaporated once Derek Carr broke his fibula. So did any chances of this being an interesting game.