Daily Sports Recap 1/5: Still Talkin' About Playoffs

I guess that over the weekend, some other important football games were played.  Maybe.  If you really want to get technical about it.  Here's what happened:

NFC Wild Card Game: Arizona Cardinals @ Carolina Panthers, Panthers Win 27-16

Statistically speaking, if you watched this game, you don't exist.

The NFL kicked off its 2015 playoffs by having the 7-8-1 Carolina Panthers play the 11-5 Arizona Cardinals.  That 11-5 mark was deceptive, however, as the Cardinals had lost both Carson Palmer and Drew Stanton to injury, and were thus forced to start Ryan Lindley, who proceeded to do exactly what you would expect Ryan Lindley to do on a team that was sputtering on offense before getting dropped to its third-string QB.  The Cardinals were also forced to play without running back Andre Ellington, who had been placed on season-ending IR shortly before the end of the season.  Basically, the Cardinals were trotting out a shambling corpse of an offense, and the Panthers were ready to go all Walking Dead on them.

The Panthers (who just now got to .500) advance to play the Seahawks in Seattle next week, which should be an equally riveting affair.

AFC Wild Card Game: Baltimore Ravens @ Pittsburgh Steelers, Ravens Win 30-17

Women were encouraged to just not watch this one.

The Ravens yet again found someone willing to trade in their Regular Season Joe Flacco model for a Playoffs Joe Flacco model.  Flacco went 18-for-29 for 259 yards and two TDs with no interceptions in a performance that mystified fantasy football experts everywhere.  Flacco's Pittsburgh counterpart Ben Roethlisberger threw for 339 yards and a touchdown, but also gave up two picks as the Steelers exited the second season tournament in the first round.  The Ravens advance to the divisional round of the playoffs to play the New England Patriots, and Flacco will probably do something stupid like put up 450 and four TDs.  There has been no word confirming Flacco's dissociative identity disorder, but you can bet that Playoff Joe is actually a distinct personality that takes over Flacco's body in January; let's just see who shows up in Foxborough next week.

AFC Wild Card Game: Cincinnati Bengals @ Indianapolis Colts, Colts Win 26-10

Some NFL official should have a serious look at making sure the Bengals entrance music is replaced with this.

The Andrew Luck Colts are starting to look a lot like the Peyton Manning Colts, in that if you were to take the quarterback away, the team would probably plummet into the bottom third of the league.  On a day where the Colts managed only 114 rushing yards, Luck led his team to a 16-point victory by sheer force of will.  Or the mystical football power harnessed by his cavebeard.  It's definitely one of the two.  Expect the Colts to be major players on the RB market in the offseason, whenever their offseason begins.

NFC Wild Card Game: Detroit Lions @ Dallas Cowboys, Cowboys Win 24-20

On the one hand, Cowboys fans are pretty infamous for being like 50% bandwagoners, but on the other hand they don't try to square dance on other teams' quarterbacks.

Rooting for a team in this game was hard if you're not from Dallas or Detroit.  On one side was the Cowboys, whose fanbase mysteriously expands in September and shrinks in December like it's a geologic formation.  On the other side was the Lions, who seem to regard opposing players the same way a hysterical arachnophobe regards spiders.  So really, it's a toss-up.

But then Detroit got a ton of pity points when this happened.  Now, anyone who knows me knows that I do my level best to stay away from criticizing referees (that one's for you, Dad), and I had no stake in this game, but holy cow that was pretty awful.  While it's foolish to assume that the result of the game turned on a single call, I'd still be plenty pissed if I was a Detroit fan.

So I guess the moral of this story is stay at least 50 miles away from Detroit for a few days, if you don't want to be lit on fire.

Good luck to everyone within 50 miles of Detroit.  If you make it out, check back in tomorrow!