RADIO
I would like to preface this column with a couple of apologies. First off, I want to apologize for taking so long in between columns. Cross country moves suck when everything goes smoothly, and the suck is massively compounded when complications arise. Complications like "someone backing out of a sublease agreement with two days before a planned move" turn the moving process into a nightmare that'd make Kafka flinch. Secondly, I would like to apologize for the fact that this column will be 100% about the College Football Playoff championship game. I'm apologizing since doing so signals that I'm a big enough person to realize my faults and try to grow from them, but I'm probably not going to do all that. With that said, let's get started!
A Summary of the Last Week On Ohio State's Campus in Columbus, Ohio
Monday, January 12: Ohio State Defeats Oregon 42-20 To Win National Championship
The College Football Playoff's inaugural championship started at 8:30 PM EST. Every single venue with a television on High Street had lines out the door by 5:30. My old roommate and I arrived at our chosen venue at 6 PM. We were seated by 8, and only because a friend of a friend could sneak us into a viewing party that I suspect was sponsored by a fraternity. Mainly because the word "bro" could be heard at least three times a minute. We spent the next half hour amicably hurling profanities at Mark May every time he showed up on screen.
The next three hours went by in a football-induced haze. We yelled when Marcus Mariota did Marcus Mariota things to score in two minutes. We yelled louder when Ezekiel Elliott scored touchdowns. Some of us may have hypothetically sworn a blood oath to name their firstborn son Ezekiel. We yelled extremely loudly when Ohio State turned the ball over. Finally, as the clock wound down, and Ezekiel Elliott put the game away, we lost our minds. We sang fight songs and "Carmen Ohio." We ran down High Street hugging strangers. We walked into CVS and bought extra-strength Excedrin because one of the consequences of absolutely losing your mind is a headache that suggests that Athena is ready to spring from your brow, fully formed, and Hephaestus the smith-lord was nowhere to be found.
It's difficult to describe the feeling I had walking down High Street after the game was over. Cars were parading past construction, blowing horns and flying flags. People I've never met walked past me, shaking my hand and hugging me like we were long-lost friends. Fires were visible down side streets, couches and dumpsters alike offered on the altar of victory. The police arrived soon after, trying their best to keep the tide of reveling students out of the street. I would find out later that the police used tear gas and pepper spray. One of my friends can still add some kick to his food by just wringing out the sleeve of his hoodie over it. It was absolute, madcap, beautiful lunacy.
Tuesday, January 13: Ohio State Defeats Michigan 71-52 In Basketball
It wasn't really important to the whole "championship" thing, as both teams are in the midst of down years, but it was a pretty nice chaser.
Thursday, January 15: Cardale Jones Announces His Return to Ohio State
After two days of furious speculation as to his future, third-stringer and improbable Buckeye legend Cardale Jones called a press conference in Cleveland to announce his return to Ohio State's football team as a redshirt junior in the 2015 season. Which, of course, prompted a hundred thousand people to observe that he did, in fact, come to play school. By the way, literally everybody, that never stopped being funny.
This of course prompted a second wave of celebration from Buckeye fans (albeit one much less on fire, but that might just be because everyone was still hung over a bit). The Buckeyes quarterback controversy has been well documented already, as Ohio State will return two-time Big Ten MVP Braxton Miller, record-setting redshirt freshman JT Barrett, and Jones, the postseason hero. Expect to be really, really tired of hearing about this by around three days ago.
In conclusion, the process of getting to Columbus sucked, but I wouldn't have traded this last week for anything. Tomorrow we'll return to much less self-gratifying content as we review the NFL playoffs and preview Super Bowl XLIX, provided I didn't scare all of you off with this column. See you then.
