Marshawn Lynch is 50/50 to Play, John Brown Questionable

We all know that abdominal strains are a pain in the side. No, seriously, they’re horrible for even normal human beings who don’t transform into NFL football royalty during the season. So when Seattle Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch is up in the air for Sunday’s game against the Arizona Cardinals due to abdominal strains,... Read More

Cleveland Browns' Joe Thomas and Alex Mack on the Trade Block?

Reports scooted in this morning that the Cleveland Browns were looking to get a leg up on the 2016 NFL Draft. According to NFL Insider Ian Rapoport, the Browns are in talks to throw away (er… deal away) their two best players: Left tackle Joe Thomas and center Alex Mack. Word is that this is... Read More

Is Fred Jackson Worth the Risk?

During Week 4 when the Seattle Seahawks squared off against the Detroit Lions, running back Fred Jackson suffered a high ankle sprain and was knocked out of commission for the remainder of the game. According to NFL.com’s Ian Rapoport, Fred Jackson made a “remarkable recovery” and is expected to play on Sunday against the Cincinnati Bengals.... Read More

Fantasy Owners Rejoice, Arian Foster Officially Back

It was announced on Sunday that, for the first time since tearing his groin on Aug. 3 during practice, Houston Texans running back Arian Foster will actually get to see playing time, according to NFL.com's Ian Rapoport. Foster told reporters on Friday that he was “a full participant in practice” despite being listed as limited.... Read More

Marshawn Lynch a Game-Time Decision for Seahawks

During the Seattle Seahawks’ game against the Chicago Bears last week, you could hear Marshawn Lynch fantasy owners scream out in utter terror from thousands of miles away. Lynch, who had aggravated his hamstring during Week 2, decided to make the injury worse during Week 3 against the Bears and had to be taken out,... Read More

Jason Witten Active Against Atlanta

Dallas Cowboys tight end Jason Witten would almost have to be close to death, blind, and deaf in order not to see playing time - and even then it would be likely he'd suit up anyway. Despite some (and by "some", we mean that one guy overheard cussing to himself while sitting alone at Buffalo... Read More

Ladarius Green Declared Inactive

The San Diego Chargers are reporting that tight end Ladarius Green, who suffered two concussions within an 11-day span, has moved from doubtful to inactive as the Chargers take on the Minnesota Vikings on Sunday. Green had been suffering from headaches this week and was limited during practices. Sensing that their tight end would be... Read More

DeMarco Murray Inactive Against Jets, Darren Sproles a Must Start

Keeping up with his mediocre debut with the Philadelphia Eagles thus far into the season,  DeMarco Murray is now listed as inactive during Week 3 against the New York Jets. Despite being listed as questionable after injuring his hamstring during practice on Sept. 23, ESPN’s Adam Schefter originally reported that “Murray has told people he plans... Read More

From 40 Seconds to Eternity: New York Giants Crap the Bed in Season Opener

We all have that one friend - that one obnoxious mofo who quotes stats in the form of insults and contentiously trolls haters on Twitter who throw shade at their precious team. We’re friends with him, but we seriously hate that guy to his very core and silently wish swamp flesh eating parasites get a hold... Read More

Aldon Smith Will Thrive in Oakland According to Raiders GM Reggie McKenzie

Disgraced former San Francisco 49ers linebacker Aldon Smith signed a 1-year deal with the team across the bridge, the Oakland Raiders, on Friday. San Francisco let Smith, who has had 3 DUI arrests since 2011, walk after yet another altercation with the law. The deal is worth up to a cool $8 million with roster... Read More

What the Hell is Going On in D.C.?

Supposedly, according to Washington Redskins coach Jay Gruden, the words “we completely stand behind Robert Griffin III as starter” is code for “we’re lying straight through our teeth and totally know you're not buying it, lol”. But anyone who has been paying attention to the unfolding debacle in Redskins territory could have told you that.... Read More

Who is Tyrod Taylor?

Right on cue, quarterbacks all over the league are placed inside the octagon to fight to the death (otherwise known as “preseason” – that third circle of Hell where players fall victim to season ending injuries during games that mean about as much as a reality show solely focused on watching paint dry) until only... Read More

Bills Cut Fred Jackson, Dallas Not Interested

The Buffalo Bills got the seven-year itch after 10 solid years with running back Fred Jackson. Bills GM Doug Whaley announced on Monday that the 34-year old Jackson was one of the 12 players that Buffalo were forced to cut in order to reduce their roster. “Today, we had to make the difficult decision to... Read More

Michael Vick Signs 1-Year Deal with Steelers… No, Seriously He Did

The waiting game is over for former New York Jets quarterback behind the quarterback, behind the other quarterback, behind the quarterback’s assistant, behind that one limping towel boy, Michael Vick. It was announced Tuesday night that 35-year old Vick signed a one-year contract with the Pittsburgh Steelers and will serve as the team’s backup QB... Read More

So You Drafted Jordy Nelson - Now What?

So you’re one of the poor souls who held/attended your fantasy football draft right smack dab in the middle of the NFL injury apocalypse known as preseason? Not only that, but you went ahead and drafted Green Bay Packers wide receiver Jordy Nelson all of six minutes before he supposedly tore his ACL during a... Read More

And How Is LeSean McCoy Feeling Today?

With running back LeSean McCoy, the Buffalo Bills are the DirectTV of the AFC East. Without - they’re cable. Oh, who are we kidding? The Bills aren’t even good enough to be considered cable – they’re an ill functioning Etch-A-Sketch, only 86 percent less entertaining. And that’s WITH McCoy in top shape. The only entertaining... Read More

The Redskins Straight Up Murdered RGIII, And Other Assorted Love Songs

Flashback to the serenity of the 2012 NFL Draft, where an overwhelming abundance of hype surrounded the supposed two first picks: Stanford golden boy quarterback Andrew Luck and the charismatic Baylor quarterback Robert Griffin III. As history would have it, Luck was drafted by the Indianapolis Colts with the first pick while RGIII was unwillingly... Read More

Good to Know Victor Cruz Hurt His OTHER Goddamn Leg

Well, New York Giants wide receiver Victor Cruz fell victim to a calf strain that will keep him out of practice and off the preseason field for a beat. Now before your rear end clinches up tighter than Aaron Hernandez during a prison riot free-for-all, rest assured that it’s not the same leg Cruz injured... Read More

RGIII's Timing Couldn't Possibly Be Worse, Taken Out of Preseason Game

Concussions in the NFL are no laughing matter. At all. That being said… What the f**k, RGIII? Or, actually in this case: What the f**k, Redskins? During Thursday night’s preseason game against the Detroit Lions, starting quarterback for the Washington Redskins, Robert Griffin III, had to leave the game early due to some pretty heavy... Read More

What The Hell Happened To All The Bills Running Backs?

Suicide Hotlines in Buffalo, NY, should be on high alert: Buffalo Bills running back LeSean McCoy left practice early Tuesday with a hamstring injury after grabbing a hold of his leg in pain during drills and had to be helped off the field by trainers. Despite the injury, McCoy is expected to play in the... Read More

Time To Check In on Johnny Manziel Because it’s Apparently Required

Hey guys, remember when couldn’t utter Cleveland Browns quarterback Johnny Manziel’s name without a bunch of poor mouth-breathing, Jack Daniels spewing, frat boy douche-drops squealing like sorority sisters during fleet week while rubbing their fingers together like complete and utter tools? Yeah, neither does Browns head coach Mike Pattine, who has stated countless times that... Read More

Is RGIII Worth the Gamble? He Seems to Think So

*Sometimes, when the stars align perfectly, a NFL football player will open his mouth and rain down an abundance of chunky word vomit complete with asinine assumptions and painfully funny jokes that aren’t meant to be jokes. The latest is Washington Redskins quarterback and Mike Shanahan victim Robert Griffin III, who went on the record... Read More

When Cam Newton Gets Pissed, We All Win

Let’s face it: most of us claim that we’d rather drink bleach through a straw, made entirely out of thorns, than watch preseason football (that means absolutely nothing) or pay attention to training camps. But we secretly are thanking the NFL gods that our eyes get to feast upon clashing helmets once again. One thing... Read More

For Christ Sakes Jets, Seriously? Geno Smith Sucker Punched

Good news guys. The New York Jets are still a joke! Linebacker Ikemefuna “I.K.” Enemkpali has been cut by the laugh out loud team after cold-cocking quarterback Geno Smith during a locker room altercation, breaking the latter’s jaw and putting him out of commission for the next six to ten weeks. According to a tweet... Read More

Brandon Carr Channels His Inner DeMarco, Breaks Bone in Hand

Off season injuries continue to plague the Dallas Cowboys like a heap of festering hemorrhoids on steroids. Today’s victim was defensive back Brandon Carr, who broke a bone in his hand during press coverage - a similar injury that plagued former Cowboys running back DeMarco Murray last season. The Fort Worth Star-Telegram reported that Carr... Read More

Marcus Mariota Has Yet to Throw an Interception at Camp, Which Basically Means Crap

Observing NFL training camps is a hoot. Fans claw desperately at minuscule factoids in order to satisfy their thirst for football, even if the factoids mean absolute wrinkled balls on a stale cracker. Speaking of which, it’s widely known that rookie Tennessee Titans quarterback Marcus Mariota has yet to throw an interception at training camp.... Read More

Fight Breaks Out Between Washington Redskins and Houston Texans’ Training Camps

Hats off to the MENSA candidate who thought a joint practice between the Houston Texans and the Washington Redskins would be a genius idea. In front of live ESPN cameras, four different fights broke out in Richmond, VA, between the two teams, the first one being the apparent cause and effect after a late hit... Read More

DeSean Jackson Has No Time For Your Mediocre Skills, Top NFL Cornerbacks

So, this happened… Washington Redskins wide receiver DeSean Jackson went on record and explained to the NFL world how good he thinks he is and there’s not anyone in the league that could cover him. Richard Sherman? Nope. Darrelle Revis? Not a chance. A cheetah wearing a Dick LeBeau Halloween face-mask? Never. That’s right –... Read More

Dez Bryant Pulls Hamstring, Listed Day-to-Day

Dallas Cowboys wide receiver and all around modest guy Dez Bryant is listed as Day-to-Day after missing Saturday’s practice with a hamstring strain, but fantasy owners and Cowboys fans shouldn’t piss their pants yet. Bryant is a known offensive weapon when playing up to par, however, if the WR should miss any more time, the... Read More

He Gone! Aldon Smith Cut From 49ers

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me a crap load of times, shame- wait… what the absolute f***? San Francisco linebacker and acting treasurer of DumbassVille Aldon Smith was arrested Thursday night for a hit-and-run accident and for driving under the influence. Oh, and let’s not forget vandalism.... Read More